Here’s my Christmas list for 2008.

1) Nose hair trimmer.

I’ve come to realize that the hair (pl.) in my nose has its own agenda and nary a Fiskars scissor can tame it.  Apart from the fact that my allergies are serving up copious amounts of mucus, I’ve been inflicted with a cutaneous sensation for several days that is reminiscent of a Chinese water torture.  Not even the most adept index finger (my own) was able to pluck out the cause.  Kleenex?  Bah!  Handkerchief?  I laugh in your face.  It took only one glimpse in the looking glass – up the right anterier naris – to pinpoint the culprit.  A lone gray intruder working its way across the great divide.  Not in a straight line, mind you, but crooked and contorted like a pubic hair.  The identified party was now wreaking havoc by gently triggering the hairs on the OTHER SIDE of my air passage, tricking my brain into thinking I had a dried booger ready for harvesting.  I was so enraged that whilst trying to snip this devilish whisker, my shaking hand almost speared my cerebrum.  Not a pretty story, but one I’ve felt compelled to share.  Automation is my only savior.  Rechargeable is preferred.  Please tell Saint Nick.

God save us all.

What is your personal hygiene nightmare?  Do share!